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Share a laugh or two
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TOPIC: Share a laugh or two

08 Feb 2010 17:28 Share a laugh or two #5600

  • Pooh Bear
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There is not one dirty word in it, and it is funny!--

Making a baby. This is hilarious!

The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family.

On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said, 'Well, I'm off now. The man should be here soon.'

Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. 'Good morning,Ma'am', he said, 'I've come to...'

'Oh, no need to explain,' Mrs. Smith cut in, embarrassed, 'I've been expecting you.'

'Have you really?' said the photographer. 'Well, that's good. Did you know babies are my specialty?'

'Well that's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat !.

After a moment she asked, blushing, 'Well, where do we start?'

'Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch, and perhaps a couple on the bed. And sometimes the living room floor is fun. You can really spread out there.'

'Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work out for Harry and me!'

'Well, Ma'am, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles,

I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results.'

'My, that's a lot!', gasped Mrs. Smith.

'Ma'am, in my line of work a man has to take his time. I'd love to be In and out in five minutes, but I'm sure you'd be disappointed with that.'

'Don't I know it,' said Mrs. Smith quietly.

The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. 'This was done on the top of a bus,' he said.

'Oh, my God!' Mrs. Smith exclaimed, grasping at her throat.

'And these twins turned out exceptionally well - when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with.'

'She was difficult?' asked Mrs. Smith.

'Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep to get a
good look'

'Four and five deep?' said Mrs. Smith, her eyes wide with amazement.

'Yes', the photographer replied. 'And for more than three hours, too.

The mother was constantly squealing and yelling - I could hardly concentrate, and when darkness approached I had to rush my shots.

Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just had to pack it all in.'

Mrs. Smith leaned forward. 'Do you mean they actually chewed on your,uh...equipment?'

'It's true, Ma'am, yes.. Well, if you're ready, I'll set-up my tripod and we can get to work right away.'

'Tripod?'

'Oh yes, Ma'am. I need to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big to be held in the hand very long.'

Mrs. Smith fainted

08 Feb 2010 18:02 Re:Share a laugh or two #5601

  • naturo73
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thanx so much, had not only laughs but bought me to tears as well

10 Feb 2010 12:28 Re:Share a laugh or two #5604

  • nirvana
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The sharing in marriage....

The old man placed order for one hamburger, French fries and a drink.

He unwrapped the plain hamburger and carefully cut it in half, placing one half in front of his wife.

He then carefully counted out the French fries, dividing them into two piles and neatly placed one pile in front of his wife.

He took a sip of the drink, his wife took a sip and then set the cup down between them . As he began to eat his few bites of hamburger, the people around them were looking over and whispering.

Obviously they were thinking, "That poor old couple - all they can afford is one meal for the two of them."

As the man began to eat his fries a young man came to the table and politely offered to buy another meal for the old couple. The old man said, they were just fine - they were used to sharing everything.

People closer to the table noticed the little old lady hadn't eaten a bite. She sat there watching her husband eat and occasionally taking turns sipping the drink.

Again, the young man came over and begged them to let him buy another meal for them. This time the old woman said "No, thank you, we are used to sharing everything."

Finally, as the old man finished and was wiping his face neatly with the napkin, the young man again came over to the little old lady who had yet to eat a single bite of food and asked "What is it you are waiting for?"

She answered

"THE TEETH."

19 Mar 2010 16:43 Re:Share a laugh or two #5686

  • jumpy
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hope you all had a happy Paddy's day on the 17th. what would Paddy's day be with out a joke or two?

An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman were reading a newspaper article about which nationalities' brains were for sale for transplant purposes.

An Irishman's or a Scotsman's brain could be bought for £500 but an Englishman's brain cost £10,000.

That proves,' said The Englishman, 'that Englishmen are much cleverer than Irishmen or Scotsmen.'
'No it doesn't,' said The Irishman, 'it just means that an Englishman's brain has never been used.'


Scorcher Murphy was selling his house, and put the matter in an agent's hands.

The agent wrote up a sales blurb for the house that made wonderful reading.

After Murphy read it, he turned to the agent and asked,

"Have I got all ye say there?"

The agent said, "Certainly ye have...Why d'ye ask?"

Replied Murphy, "Cancel the sale...'tis too good to part with."

03 Apr 2010 15:13 Re:Share a laugh or two #5726

  • gazza
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How does the Easter Bunny stay fit?
EGG-xercise and HARE-robics!

Why did the Easter egg hide?
He was a little chicken!

Why shouldn’t you tell an Easter egg a joke?
It might crack up!

How can you tell where the Easter Bunny has been?
Eggs (X) marks the spot!

How do you catch the Easter Bunny?
Hide in a bush and make a noise like a carrot!

13 Apr 2010 16:31 Re:Share a laugh or two #5739

  • rob58
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REMEMBER WHEN

All the girls had ugly gym slips

It took five minutes for the TV to warm up

Nearly everyone's Mum was home when the kids got home from school

Nobody owned a purebred dog

You'd reach into a muddy gutter for a penny

Your Mother wore nylons that came in two pieces

All male teachers wore ties and female teachers had their hair done every day and wore high heels


You got your windscreen cleaned, oil checked and petrol served, without asking, all for free, every time..

It was considered a great privilege to be taken out to dinner at a real restaurant with your parents

They threatened to keep children back a year if they failed the school year. . . And they did!

When a Ford Zephyr was everyone's dream car...
And people went steady


No one ever asked where the car keys were because they were always in the car, in the ignition, and the doors were never locked

Spinning around, getting dizzy and falling down was cause for giggles?

Playing cricket with no adults to help the children with the rules of the game

Bottles came from the corner shop without safety caps and hermetic seals because no one had yet tried to poison a perfect stranger

And with all our progress, don't you wish, just once, you could slip back in time and savour the slower pace, and share it with the children of today.

When being sent to the headmasters office was nothing compared to the fate that awaited you at home


Basically we were in fear for our lives, but it wasn't because of drive-by shootings, drugs, gangs etc. Our parents and grandparents were a much bigger threat! But we survived because their love was greater than the threat. As well as summers filled with bike rides, cricket, Hula Hoops, skateing and visits to the pool, eating lemonade powder or liquorice sticks.
Didn't that feel good, just to go back and say, 'Yes, I remember that'?


I am sharing this with you today because it ended with a Double Dare to pass it on. To remember what a Double Dare is, read on. And remember that the perfect age is somewhere between old enough to know better and too young to care.

Send this on to someone who can still remember the Lone Ranger and Sgt Bilko

How Many Of These Do You Remember?
Coca Cola in bottles.

Blackjacks and bubblegums.

Home milk delivery in glass bottles with tinfoil tops

Hi-If's & 45 RPM records.

78 RPM records!

Adding Machines.

Scalextric.

Do You Remember a Time When..

Decisions were made by going 'Eeny-meeny-miney-moe'?

'Race issue' meant arguing about who ran the fastest?Catching tadpoles could happily occupy an entire day?

It wasn't odd to have two or three 'Best Friends'?

The worst thing you could catch from the opposite sex was'chickenpox'?

Having a Weapon in School meant being caught with a slingshot ?

War was a card game?

Cigarette cards in the spokes transformed any bike into a motorcycle?

Taking drugs meant orange - flavored chewable aspirin?

Water balloons were the ultimate weapon?

If you can remember most or all of these, Then You Have Lived!!!!!!!

Pass this on to anyone who may need a break from their 'Grown-Up' Life.
I Double Dare You!
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