ecobites.com

Making your life greener - one bite at a time.

You may not use the term Attachment Parenting to describe this way of parenting. You might call it Natural Parenting, Instinctive Parenting, Immersion Parenting or Continuum Parenting. Perhaps a label is unneccesary to you. Maybe you are simply "following your instincts" and have never thought of parenting as anything but second natur, but for the purposes of this website, we shall refer to the various components of natural, nurturing and instinctive parenting styles as "Attachment Parenting".

Attachment Parenting is a phrase coined by the Pediatrician, Dr. William Sears in the 1980's. It stands for the concept of responsive parenting. Responding to the needs of your baby can mean many things...  

Sleeping in the same room with baby, often in the same bed. There are many ways to accomplish this. Some use a crib "side carred" to the bed or a device designed specifically for co-sleeping called The Arm's Reach co-sleeper. Others simply sleep in the same bed as baby.

I'd like to address the CPSC's and the JFMA's (Juvenile Furniture Manufacturers Association) joint recommendation against co-sleeping. Aside from the fact that the CPSC has never before dispensed parenting advice and is not qualified to do so, the JFMA's board of directors is a laundry list of crib manufacturers who clearly have a conflict of interest. As with any and all things regarding babies, there are safety issues to be observed. Rather than clearly defining these safety issues, the CPSC and the JFMA did a huge disservice to the public by adhering to their monetary agenda by completely discrediting a valid method of sleeping and bonding with your children.

Breastfeeding baby "on demand" or as needed. No schedules.

Holding baby as much as possible. Using a sling or other carrier to keep baby close and feeling safe and bonded.

Responding quickly when baby is crying. Not letting your child "cry it out" has been proven in research to be healthier for your child.

While most who follow Attachment Parenting usually do many if not all of the above listing, there are no rules involved. The only hard fast rule is to follow your instincts, your child's cues and do what is best for your family. Research indicates that this method of parenting creates a strong bond between mother/father and child.

Attachment Parenting Principles: The basic components of a nurturing, instinctive parenting style

Being informed about your birth options. Educating yourself about the birthing process and planning for a birth that is intervention free as possible.

Forming an early connection to your child, using the initial hours after birth to bond and having your baby "room in" with you after a hospital birth rather than in the nursery.

Responding quickly to your baby's cries and knowing that you can't "spoil" her by feeding and holding her whenever she needs you to.

Breastfeeding exclusively and on baby's cue for at least 6 months followed by the introduction of solids when your child is ready combined with continued nursing.

Child led weaning: knowing that it is natural and normal for children to breastfeed for well over one year.

Wearing your baby in a sling.

Using gentle discipline techniques. Knowing the difference between discipline and punishment and avoiding physical or shame-inducing punishment. Being authoritative rather than authoritarian or overly permissive.

You allow and encourage your child to share sleep with you. Realizing that your child needs do not desist at sunset and that nurturing is important around the clock, you willingly accept that for this season of your life, your "marital bed" should be your family bed.

Learning, understanding and following your childs cues. Knowing that your child has his own schedule for physical, emotional and social development, toilet learning and indepedence issues rather than trying to force him into an "expected" time frame.

Believing that by meeting your childs needs during infancy and toddlerhood you are encouraging the development of a healthy, happy, independent person.

You are flexible and realize that what worked last week might not work this week, and that what works for one child may not work for another. You are willing to educate yourself about parenting and make the extra effort that your children are worth.

You don't fall for the "quality time" myth. You recognize that real quality time consists of more time (spent cuddling, reading, playing, learning or just being together) not short frantic bursts of "fun" activities.

Upon finding  out you are pregnant with your second child, you don't even set up a crib, you start shopping for a king sized bed. You decide to give tandem nursing a try instead of weaning your nursing toddler.

You make time with your children a priority, regardless of material sacrifices that might have to be made. Obviously, single parents have to work, and there are other families that truly need two incomes. But you recognize that nurturing is of vast importance in your child's early years and that day care, while it may be adequate, is not as beneficial to your child.

You avoid the typical mother substitutes that are so prevelant in our society from the seemingly benign: Blankies and "lovies" (when used as a substitute for your presence) cribs, playpens, and pacifiers to the patently absurd: teddy bears with heartbeats, cribs that simulate womb movement, bottle holders (if you are doing any bottle feeds).

The premise that fully nurturing your children is considered by many to be the antithesis of feminism infuriates you, and you won't buy into that belief system. If you are female, you are proud to be a stay at home mother and consider it the most important thing you could possibly doing right now. You want to raise your children yourself, not hand them over to someone else to do the job.

Moving Beyond The Basics: Taking attachment to the next level

You plan for a home birth (or perhaps a birthing center) with a midwife.

You are considering, or are at least open to the possibility, of home-schooling or un-schooling.

You educate yourself about circumcision and choose not to make your male children suffer through the pain and trauma of the procedure without a very good reason.

You do not vaccinate your kids because you have made an informed decision.

You don't allow violent toys and entertainment in your home. Creative toys and play reign.

You restrict the amount of television that your child watches, perhaps you don't even own one.

You only feed organic food to your whole family.

You might ask, "Do I have to believe in and practice all of these "principles" to practice Attachment Parenting? Absolutely not! The very basis of AP is allowing your instincts be your guide. There is no one right way to parent all children. No one else is going to parent just the way you do because no one else has your children.

However, if you choose not to breastfeed, you are comfortable with spanking your kids, and you truly believe that babies should "cry it out" at bedtime, then you probably aren't going to find that Attachment Parenting philosophy, or anything resembling Attachment Parenting, will fit in with your beliefs. I would encourage those of you that fit that description to read more about the many benefits of a nurturing parenting style.

Whether you are fully committed to AP, or are simply exploring the concept always remember: If you are listening, your heart will guide you towards the right parenting decisions for you and your children.

http://www.attachedmamas.com/

http://www.attachmentparenting.org/

 Responding to Baby's Cries and why you shouldn't let your baby "cry it out"

Science Says: Excessive Crying Could Be Harmful to Babies
Dr Sears
http://askdrsears.com/html/10/handout2.asp

EARLY BRAIN DEVELOPMENT
What parents and caregivers need to know!
by Phyllis Porter, M.A.
http://www.educarer.com/brain.htm

Crying for comfort: distressed babies need to be held - Art of Mothering
Mothering, Jan-Feb, 2004 by Aletha Solter
http://www.mothering.com/articles/ne...onnection.html

The Dangers of Leaving Your Baby to Cry
By Margaret Chuong-Kim, M.A.
http://drbenkim.com/articles-attachment-parenting.html

The Science of Attachment:
The Biological Roots of Love
by Lauren Lindsey Porter
http://www.naturalchild.com/guest/la...ey_porter.html

The Emotional Infant Brain
Part 1: The developing emotional subsystems of the brain process various information, including how to relate the state of the world with xpectations.
http://www.fresnofamily.com/articles/aa040100a.htm

Stress in Infancy
by Linda Folden Palmer, D.C.
http://www.naturalchild.com/guest/li...n_palmer2.html

The Science of Attachment
By Kelley Shirazi
http://www.naturalfamilyonline.com/5...-parenting.htm

Mistaken Approaches to Night Waking:
Excerpt from Sweet Dreams: A pediatrician's secrets for your child's good night sleep, Lowell House, 22-28 By Paul M. Fleiss, M.D., M.P.H., F.A.A.P., 2000
http://www.nospank.net/fleiss2.htm

8 INFANT SLEEP FACTS EVERY PARENT SHOULD KNOW
Dr Sears
http://www.askdrsears.com/html/7/T070200.asp

CONTROLLED CRYING:
AAIMHI POSITION PAPER
The Australian Association for Infant Mental Health:
http://www.gymealily.org/resources_paperva7.htm

Loving Responces to a baby's cries
Copyright (c) 2001 By Ingrid Bauer:
http://www.natural-wisdom.com/lovingresponse.htm

Fatherhood Basic Instinc
A dad can do so much more than defend the cave. New research shows that he too has the biological goods to nurture baby
By John Hoffman
http://www.todaysparent.com/lifeaspa...1225399&page=1

A MENTAL HEALTH EXPERT WARNS THAT POPULAR ADVICE TO IGNORE YOUR CHILD'S TEARS MAY CAUSE LIFE-LONG HARM
Amelia Hill
http://www.pantley.com/elizabeth/con...ioarticle.html

Why babies should never sleep alone: A review of the co-sleeping controversy in relation to SIDS,bedsharing and breast feeding
James J. McKenna* and Thomas McDade
http://www.nd.edu/~jmckenn1/lab/arti...should%20n.pdf

Children Need Touching and Attention, Harvard Researchers Say
By Alvin Powell
http://www.news.harvard.edu/gazette/...enNeedTou.html

CIO? No! The case for not using "cry-it-out" with your children
By Gale E.Ward
http://www.storknet.com/cubbies/atta...enting/cio.htm